The other thing you learn as a Mother is that you are always learning.
You can't always solve everything, you can't be perfect nor should you feel the need to be.
- Christina Winitana
Her whakapapa is of Maori and Celtic origins and this is part 2 of her story.
I have a boy and a girl, they have different fathers AND they are totally different.
Just because I have a 23-year-old, doesn't mean I know how to raise my 14-year-old who's a boy. I'm still learning so I don't punish myself if I don't get it right all of the time even when he calls me on it I apologize, I own it and say yep sorry my Man I'm still learning.
As for my 23-year-old, she actually rings me often which I love because she knows she can ring me about ANYTHING no topic is off-limits, she and her brother both know and appreciate this. When she first moved out of home and started her Uni / flatting life she called me to guide her again. Later on, after she'd been flatting for a while she was asked by her flatmates how come she knew how to do so many things like figure out how to get the power on etc and her response was "My Mum" she'd realized how much I'd taught her along the way.
NurtureHer - So they do take it in, all the life wisdom we pour into them while they're young and often feeling hoha with what we try to teach them while raising them?
Christina - oh yeah they do take it in, you just gotta bide your time. The tao has taught me you don't do to get not even to make yourself feel good. Just do it to give for no return.
This is all learned now, by the way, when you do for your children and there's an expectation that you want them to thank you or be grateful for whatever you're doing for them now, don't do it for that, it will come back, just let it come back when it's meant to. When you need it in that moment, that's your ego not your soul or your spirit that needs it, your soul has done what it needs to do in that moment. If you just let it be there may be a moment when your soul does need it and that's when it will return.
NurtureHer - Wow that's living in harmony.
9. NurtureHer - What do you do differently as a Woman and a Mother in comparison to your Mother and why?
Christina -
Whoa, Oh my Mother, my poor mother. It was a time when Mothers did EVERYTHING!
I love my dad and no disrespect to him because he was a great provider for us financially and emotionally but from what I observed, my Mum did EVERYTHING in our home. They both worked full time around the corner from our home so they only had to walk to work and often walked home for lunch that she would make.
In between working full time starting at 7am and raising us, she'd do the dishes, laundry, cooked all our meals including breakfast before they started work. She'd mow the lawns and vacuum the house as well. After feeding all of us then cleaning up she'd go to bed about 9pm. I used to say why are you going to bed so early. She must've been EXHAUSTED! That is my childhood memory of my Mum.
When we were old enough to do dishes and vacuuming we'd do that but Mum always did everything else.
My childhood memory of my Dad in the home was what I imagine the reality for most husbands during that time. I watched my parents navigate two completely different daily home routines.
I watched my Mother go to work full time like my Dad but I also watched her come home every day and work just as hard in our home and for our family. Women catered to their men back then in a way that was accepted and perhaps expected of them, this definitely impacted me for what I was determined to have different in my home when I grew up.
What I did and do differently was to make sure I would not be the ONLY person in my house doing EVERYTHING and that I was in a relationship with someone who was on the same page with my intention I set for that.
Also, in general, I love my parents and knew they loved me but there weren't always a lot of hugs or I love yous in our house growing up, another thing perhaps passed down from their elders. So another thing I do differently is say I love you to my kids and not let them assume I love them without hearing it from me. Lots of hugs and just hanging out, spending quality time with them too. The five love languages are very important also and something I've paid attention to with my kids.
Christina - I think the easiest way to pick up someone else's love language is they will do theirs for you because they don't know what yours is so they'll often do what theirs
is to show you that they love you.
If they come in the door and the first thing they wanna do is hug you, it's Physical touch.
If they come home with a flower for you or gift you anything, it's receiving gifts.
If they come in the door and just say "Your so beautiful Mum, have you had a good day" that's Words of affirmation.
If they come in and the first thing they say is what can I do for you, is there anything I can do for you? that's Acts of service.
If they come in and just wanna hang, spend time with you, that's Quality time.
Christina's journey helped me reflect on my own loving hard-working Mum and step Father who showed their love differently to how I choose to show mine to my kids today too. And like her loving hard-working parents they also came from a different era as did their parents and grandparents before them, this always influences the way you are raised, how you choose to raise your own kids and how those experiences shape you to become the person you are today.
10. NurtureHer - One thing you wish your mother had had the time to notice about you when you were a kid?
Christina - I often say I'm mums favorite so I do believe that she did notice my arty side. Knowledge, education was huge for our family, netball and gymnastics was also something my parents supported me with and I used to win a lot of coloring competitions but I guess I wish I'd had more chance to develop my artistic side sooner because as much as I won all the competitions I still lacked confidence. Today even as an adult and a qualified accomplished raranga weaver, I'm real bad at comparing myself and prefer not to call myself an artist.
NurtureHer - My two eldest are definite artists who as much as I have poured so much attention and encouragement on along with their father, they lack in confidence and belief in what we see. What do you recommend for me to do while they're still kids?
Christina - External feedback, someone with credibility that will agree with some parts that could be better but someone who is also accomplished in that art medium, unlike parents who aren't necessarily involved and who might be biased no matter what the child's art piece looks like. Also the Tuakana Teina approach that we have in weaving, helps you to not judge where you're at and that whanau approach support from others who are in the space you're aspiring to reach and growing toward and can share their challenges and encouragement for the stages you're in right now.
The following images showcase Christina's incredible talent as a trained & qualified weaver.
Christina - (The red, white and black tāniko item) and the potae (grad cap) were worn by me for my graduation but not made by me.
This masterpiece is a her and her name is Tuia.
Christina -
Muka dress - Tuia is a symbol of bringing together (weaving) things that are, or might seem, disconnected; i.e. the two cultures (Māori and Celtic) of my whakapapa.
The Māori name for the hieke is 'Te Awhi a Whaea' - Mothers Embrace.
Christina - Created as a taonga for my whānau, to match the piupiu below made for my son, that can be worn for special occasions. It is a representation of Papatūānuku and Tangaroa; myself and my son (who loves the water) and the meeting (or 'embrace') of the two."
Piupiu made for my son.
11. NurtureHer - One thing you want to THANK your Mum for?
Christina - Oh my Mum, she listens, she listens to Me. I love that about her.
She was raised as the youngest in her family of about 11 or 12 children. She's not a talker and perhaps that's because she was one of the youngest and as a busy Mum raising us she never had the time to talk, perhaps that's why Quality Time is my love language.
Christina’s Mum in the middle as a baby.
One of her siblings passed before this and two were yet to be born.
Christina's loving parents
I love my parents, I always knew they loved me growing up, they didn't do anything wrong. I went on a retreat once and the greatest thing I learned is that your parents have carried something from their parents who have carried something from their parents to pass on unintentionally and that we must let it go to stop carrying on those cycles that don't serve us.
We were asked to reflect back to our grandparents and what was going on in the world back then. My grandad came back from WW2 and literally drank himself to death. We were asked to do the same for our parents and asked things like what role did food, education and music etc play in their lives. I was also fortunate through my work to do an oral history and chronological interview of my dad and his life and learned SO MUCH about him, I understand him so much more now!
Christina and her proud & loving Father - Tom Winitana
Christina with her proud whanau
celebrating her graduation
Oh wait wasn't I meant to be talking about my Mum! LOL oh yeah She listens! '
See 'coz I talk and I talk and I take a long time to tell one story about one thing and I need to give her all the facts and the back story and she doesn't walk off while I follow her, she sits and she listens. And she's one of the only people in my life that will.
NurtureHer - LOL Love it! Does she know that you love that about her?
Christina - Umm I probably need to tell her more, I've said things like Mum you're the only one who listens but in a roundabout way but I guess not really how much that means to me. I try to do things with my Mum like we went to the netball the other week. Ohhhhhhh one other thing I LOVE about my mum that she's taught me too really - She is just the most honest person and won't understand if she's hurt someone's feelings. She has zero filter and no intention to hurt people's feelings and can't understand if someone is hurt by what she says. She's also someone you will always know EXACTLY where you stand with her. If she don't like you, you'll know it! LOL
Christina with her beautiful Mum Helen Winitana
Her favorite pic of a cherished moment with both her parents.
12. Nurture Her - What is the biggest life lesson your kids have taught you so far?
Christina - Ohh, honestly that you need to put YOU first!
Because when you don't like my daughter when she puts all her friends before herself it's detrimental to her health, quite literally detrimental to her emotional mental health which can then lead to physical because we know that it manifests to the body. So if she is not putting herself first and why would she when she learned from her mother that you don't!
So you've got to! Because part of us as Mothers showing and teaching them to put themselves first is practicing it otherwise all we're teaching them is to put themselves last.
Do you really want that for your children? I don't! I want my children to know it's numero uno man, number one first. Watching them not do it makes you realize how important it truly is to put yourself first.
13. Nurture Her - If you could give one piece of advice to a first time Mum whether she be biological or not?
Christina - ooohhh I always say to any new Mum - Routine
Because I guess what stems from that is safety and security, the child can feel and know that. When they know what's going on, what to expect it helps them feel settled and loved, and all that kinda thing.
I think everyone tells new Mums routine is important but what they don't always mention is that the routine can change.
I think when you have a newborn the routine is a mixture of their needs routine and you creating one that fits you in a way but it's more based on theirs and as they get older they need to learn THE routine not necessarily what they want it to be so it changes, the routine can change but there should always be one! Routine creates safety, security, knowing, certainty.
Read Alphie Kohn - Unconditional parenting (Good kaupapa) A must read!
Helped me to learn how to not use rewards or punishment when disciplining children.
My last piece of advice - Just love, love yourself, love your baby, no one is perfect especially at the beginning! We need to stop judging ourselves, stop comparing ourselves to others especially on social media.
14. Nurture Her - If I asked your kids what is one of your superpowers as their Mother, what would they say?
Christina - I think they would potentially say reliable, I don't know if that's a superpower but they just know I'll be there no matter what I'll always show up. They can come to me, they can tell me anything, there's nothing they can't talk about, I'll probably still respond or react in a certain way or have a moment but nothing they do would ever make me disown them.
15. Nurture Her - Name one person who really inspires you to make the world a better place and why?
After a brief moment of humble reflection, Christina replied ME with lots of laughter and the beauty of her humility, acceptance, and affirmation to own it.
Christina - There's a lot of people in the background that are helping me know this but I believe you gotta be your own inspiration, lots of people inspire me, my kids, Teva, my family, my friends.
The why is just watching the world and all the stuff that goes on and I think what's exciting is that great awakening that is slowly happening and my goals to contribute towards this a lot more.
In terms of Covid, I wasn't grateful for it but more so, ok with it because of what it revealed for us to be more aware of. It healed our planet a little bit, we saw with our own eyes what less human activity or less of it can do and what's possible. We didn't die, we survived through it and learned there are ways to live sustainably. I was grateful to be part of Welfare support, putting food care packages together for people during this time. We all helped each other as a community and all those barriers came down instantly.
16. Nurture Her - Tell me three top goals that you are currently working on while raising a family and why?
Christina -
1. HOME. I want my own home - my babies placentas are buried in my Nana's home where I have so many beloved memories. Nana's house is somewhere you could always go. That's what I want for myself and my kids and at the end of the day, it's an asset that I want to leave for my children like she did. UPDATE: This interview was done in November 2020
Jan 2021 - Christina has since accomplished this goal with the support of her whanau!!!
Yasss girl, you did it!!! 😍
2. I want to be my own boss in some way and not need to work for someone else. My path is becoming clearer, things about me that I'm learning, practicing, and getting stronger at are all coming together. I don't like the idea of money being a driver, first of all, I know we have the resources to not need it. My focus is on a life coaching course in March that will hopefully start me off on this path. UPDATE: Christina has since been accepted and paid her deposit for a Life Coaching course in Wellington starting in August 2021. 😍
3. Working on ME - as much as I say to love yourself that doesn't mean that I do 100% all the time so that is something I need to focus on and continue to work on. If I'm feeling miserable I won't post on social media but sometimes I will post my gratefuls to help me through it. 😍
17. Nurture Her - Tell me in your personal belief and in one word what does the world need most right now?
Christina - LOVE! (Christina sang this answer with her beautiful voice) :-)
Not living in the past and not getting ahead of yourself in the future.
What I do is focus on me and my son NOW, what affects me NOW, because living in the past or in the future means you miss so much in the now. Release fear, stress, and worry that most news content is well known for creating.
18. Nurture Her - At this stage of your life, in one sentence what do you know for sure about life?
Christina - There's always time. If you're here there's still time. It's never too late, don't miss those opportunities to love and do what you came here to do.
In her Nana's handwriting.
Christina's tattoo she cherishes
and wears with pride in honor & memory of her beloved Nana.
"My Nana was the epitome of unconditional love" 💝
This completes my interview series with the AMAZING Christina Winitana of her ever evolving, empowering story and I look forward to celebrating her as it continues to unfold.
30 minute - Mouthwatering Mince Pasta Goodness!
Mince, at least 500g.
Pasta (any type, e.g. spirals, pene), approximately 3 cups (I pretty much guesstimate this though).
400g can of diced or whole peeled tomatoes (whatever flavor you like) OR whatever spices, flavoring you might already have in your cupboard (e.g. beef stock, mixed herbs).
Any veggies you have, e.g. frozen (mixed veg, corn, peas) or fresh (carrots, capsicum, beans).
Method:
Cook the mince in a large fry pan.
Fry onions and/or garlic up in some butter (or oil) in a separate pan and add to the cooked mince (i.e. all brown, no pink meat).
Put the pasta on in another pot.
Add your flavors to the mince, i.e. the can of tomatoes, your veggies, and/or any stock or herbs you want to add. Salt and pepper to taste.
Put on low heat, stir occasionally, allow all the flavors to combine.
When pasta is cooked, drain and add to mince.
Leave simmering again for a few more minutes, to allow the pasta to soak up the flavors.
Serve as you like (i.e. with bread or salad, or as is).
If this blog post touched your soul, reach out and drop me a comment
You are never alone on your journey x
Erena
Nurture her - Real Talk stories that matter
[Credit] - Food for the Mamas' Soul series interviewee Chrisina Winitana
Awesome Human, Mana Wahine, Mother, BMA - Maunga Kura Toi: Raranga,
Follow & reach out to her on instagram @xt1nas or facebook @Christina.Winitana (Xtina)
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